Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
