if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
