Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
