I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
COCAINE IS GR8
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
