Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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