Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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