I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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