yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
