Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
