I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
