No awkward lesbian experiences without me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
