Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
