I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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