i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize