Nicole vs. Life
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The adults are the big ones right?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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