do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
