It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
