I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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