I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
