so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize