Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I smell like Dick and happiness
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