My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
