So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
