do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
