Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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