i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Farmville is her only friend.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
