If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
