One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
