i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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