And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
