Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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