I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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