She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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