The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
