They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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