So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
