I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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