I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
