...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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