Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
