Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
