found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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