ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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