Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize