Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
