i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
