guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
