Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
