i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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