now i know why i became what i already was.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
