i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize