Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
