UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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