Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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