I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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