I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
