i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
