I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
