beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
