Too much gin, very little bucket
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
