I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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