She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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