i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
