i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
