Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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