I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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