Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
