Who did Billy Mays play for?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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