i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
