The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
