I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize