I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
