I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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