I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He passed out mid-signature
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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