I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
