sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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