u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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