Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
