Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
