my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You dont lie about slip and slides
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
