dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
