i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
