If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
