So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
