I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she smelled like a LAN party
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
