Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
