i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
