Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
