I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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