Where did you get a picture of my penis
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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