also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize