He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
