I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
this is an emotional support booty call
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
