I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
