have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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