maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize